He Wants You! He Wants You! He Wants You To Know He Still Exists!

Written by: Paul Lorentz

Like the National Biscuit Company and Kentucky Fried Chicken before them, the Young Men’s Christian Association, heretofore known as the YMCA, has adopted the popular abbreviation of their official corporate identity as their official official corporate identity. The group will now simply be known as the Y. This change, of course, has serious ramifications for disco lovers and wedding reception attendees around the world. If YMCA (the organization) is now to be known as just “The Y”, whatever will become of “Y.M.C.A.” (the Village People song). I mean, “It’s fun to stay at the Y”? What about those three remaining syllables in the chorus? What are we supposed to sing there? What dorky dance moves are we supposed to do now? And most importantly, what about the children?

Thank heavens for Victor “Hot Cop” Willis, the group’s original lead singer, who took time out of his busy day to ISSUE. A. STATEMENT. reassuring the confused masses that the name of the song will not change thereby averting pop-cultural panic on a grand scale. What’s that I hear? Oh, that must be the collective sigh of relief heaved by the executives at Casablanca Records knowing that they would not have to put the 1978 album Cruisin’ back in print in order to correct the title of the group’s most (in)famous hit single. (Or maybe it was the collective sigh of relief from the Y’s Board of Directors that after more than 30 years of trying to distance the organization and distinguish its mission from the homoerotic double-entendre offered up in the song’s lyrics, they’ve finally stumbled on a tactic that has a small chance of actually working.)

In related news, The Escape Club have confirmed that they will not be changing the lyrics to their 1988 hit “Wild Wild West” in order to reflect the prevailing wisdom that we are no longer heading for the 90s or, in fact, living in the 80s. Also, a representative from the James Brown estate issued a statement earlier today that the title of the Godfather of Soul’s 1985 single “Living in America” will remain the same despite the fact that Brown is, y’know, dead.

{Personal note to Mr. Willis: Dude! I love Village People, okay? Especially Victor Willis-fronted Village People. I mean that. In totally unironic ways. When people ask me what my Top 10 favorite albums of all time are, Macho Man is there right between Pet Sounds and Doolittle (and the 1977 self-titled debut is probably in my Top 20). And when people ask me who my Top 10 favorite frontmen are – dude, you’re there, right between Freddie Mercury and Prince. I mean that! Okay? So, speaking as fan: don’t do this. It makes your legacy look like a bigger joke than most people already regard it as. It hurts. Deal? Thanks, man.}

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